I haven’t posted for quite some time, thing is I have problems with stress, I guess this is somewhat apparent from previous posts, I also have vertigo or to give it its posh name, Menier’s disease. this displays it’s self with deafness, tinnitus, both in my right ear, and vertigo attacks, some of which are mild and pass off fairly quickly (an hour or so) and others can be severe - ‘drop attacks’, where I hit the deck in as controlled manner as possible, but am then completely helpless and need support if only to ease my anxiety at that time. When these attacks happen I cannot see properly as my brain is saying I am falling therefore my eyes are trying to adjust constantly, which results in a flicking movement of the eye. I have complete weakness, trembling (I presume from shock/fear) sweating nausea and sometimes vomiting. I take Betahistine three times a day, but find that when life becomes stressful the attacks still happen despite the medication. Last Thursday evening I had a drop attack in my garden, I was alone but one of my sons was in the house. I managed to ring the house phone (I could barely see the phone ) but it took several go’s before my son realised I was not in the house to answer the phone and that it was me ringing. When he found me I was clinging to a tree for fear that I was going to fall in the garden pond, he found a rug in the summer house and laid it on the ground and I was then able to lie down. He summoned his brother who was out with friends and they tried to lift me to get me to the summer house, but this made me feel much worse, I felt faint and sick. The only solution was for me to crawl on hands and knees through the wet grass and soil to the summer house where again I lay down, by this time I was very distressed, the humiliation of having to crawl and my son’s having to witness that was too much, and I think at this point the vertigo developed into a panic attack as well. A neighbour was called and then an ambulance. The paramedics decided to transport me to A&E. After about three hours the main symptoms had calmed down and after various checks and tests and a chat with a doctor I was allowed to go home. Tonight I feel more myself, but anxious that it will happen again. I have had this problem for many years on and off, but in the last two or three years the attacks are more frequent. The obvious worries are now there – what about my job, money, mortgage. I am a single parent with no family living nearby. I realise this is a vicious circle worrying about these things can only make the situation worse. Somehow I need to relax, chill out take a step back, tonight, that is writing this post. I make no apologies for interrupting my usual arty posts, but this is interrupting my life so much these days, I wanted to explain the absence, and maybe there is someone else out there who has this sort of problem and they will see that they are not alone.
Hopefully, (and I live in hope) normal service will be resumed asap.