My goodness, it is almost a whole month since I have put finger to keyboard on here. What have I been doing? cracking up basically, things have built up and got on top of me and before you know it I am sobbing my heart out at the local municipal dump, because the nice man in the viz jacket tells me I have put my rubbish in the wrong container. Finally, after a weird panic attack at work, I have been signed off for two weeks. My Doctor tells me I have got to breathe (always a good idea), but apparently I was breathing too shallow and it was causing strange things to happen to me, my blood pressure is up, my blood pressure was never up, even when I was pregnant. My doctor has told me I need to regroup (I’m not sure who with) my life, maybe look at a change of job – not easy, when you’re 52, single, mortgage and two offspring at home and feeling very unemployable – I mean that in the sense of earning a decent enough living where I can look above the parapet and not feel like I am treading water the whole time.. I know I have my painting (and I thank God that I have), but I need to know I will be able to pay the bills at the end of the month and put food on the table.
Isn’t it strange, while typing this, I have been called away to answer the phone, It was a colleague from work ringing to see how I was, and also lifting the burden off my shoulders of a couple of projects that were on my desk, and whilst talking to her , I was saying the thing that gets me down is my lack of money. Then just as I start typing again, the postman drops a single envelope through the door, and it is my tax credits information for the coming year and it has increased a little. It is almost like someone was saying don’t worry, you’ve got this as well. I’m sure my mum and dad are watching over me. When things get tough as it feels at the moment, I have often noticed a little sign as if to say ‘we’re here’.
Enough, I’m off to the garden….